transitions

shot of lanterns from 祇園祭 taken at another transitional time in my life

I am someone who tends to get worked up over changes in life - even changes that are objectively good or changes that I am actually looking forward to. At some level I know that change needs to happen in life because, without change, how can any progress be made. That being said, I've discovered that I become the most anxious in moments of transition where I move from one state (maybe both literally and figuratively) to the next. I am currently in a moment of flux as I move from the place I will always call home to a place with new possibilities which pleases me and excites me a great deal.

I'll miss having my mother so close the most. My mother and I are incredibly close and I value her insights, her humor, and her kindness so much, which makes it difficult to think that I won't have quick access to the comfort she brings. Thankfully, with the nature of my job and my partner's job (as a soon-to-be-inducted double PhD student) we can come back for holidays and random visits much more regularly. His family is from the same state and he is also close to his family, so coming home is important to him as well.

All in all the changes are good and I am basically living a best-case-scenario life here in terms of my job, my location, and such. Yet, there is the lingering sense that a chapter is closing in my life and that from this point on things can't return to the way they were. At the end of the day, I am thankful that I have people (and a bichon-poo) around me who help me with all the inevitable transitions in life - what could be better than that?

Here's to new beginnings and continuing the sojourn!

review: tony moly aloe vera moisturizing face mask

tony moly - i'm real - aloe face mask sheet (moisturizing)

I've used a few sheet masks in the past but mostly used Japanese brands since, until recently, sheet masks were not terribly popular in the West and I've had access to Japanese products through my annual trips. However, Japanese cosmetics and skin care are very hard to get a hold of in the United States and my work life has been such that I haven't been able to go abroad as often as I used to, so now I either wait for friends to send along a few sheet masks or I go for what is available in the U.S.! Lately I've noticed a lot of Korean skin care brands have been making their way to the Western market - including Tony Moly.

I've been seeing their products in Sephora (where I bought this mask) and have been hearing a lot of good things both about the brand specifically and about Korean products in general. I decided to take the plunge after my skin has been going through a dry spell, probably brought on by the air conditioning on this summer (it's the humidity that'll kill you!). I've also found that moisturizing masks are a pretty safe starting point regardless of your skin type - I have sensitive skin that tends towards breakouts and I haven't had problems with the moisturizing masks I've tried in the past. This one from Tony Moly was no exception!

The packaging, like all Tony Moly products, is so cute! I love the bright colors and stylized graphics, plus there are clear directions on the back for anyone who is new to the whole sheet mask world. As a warning: be careful when you first open the package, because there is a lot of serum in the bag and I received a bit of a spray when I opened mine up. This was also a problem when I first put the actual sheet mask on my face because I initially found that some of the serum dripped down my neck. I guess the it is marketed as moisturizing! That being said, the sheer volume of serum wasn't too much of an issue and I ended up just massaging the excess into my neck.

I left the mask on for about 20-25 minutes, which fell between the 20-30 minute time-frame they list on the package. Once I removed the mask there was still a lot of the serum left on my face, so I patted that in my face as well. I usually use the Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate religiously each night, but since the serum from the mask was so rich I decided to skip the night oil and see what happened. Fast-forward to the next morning and all my dry patches were completely gone! My face definitely felt deeply moisturized and there were no new breakouts caused by the mask.

SUCCESS!

Now, is this mask worth the price? Unfortunately for those of us who live in the West (particularly in places where there are no large Asian markets near by) we have to pay a higher price at places like Sephora. This mask came in a pack of two for $7.50 which is not terribly cheap for a face mask. However, I am someone who doesn't use masks as often so this was a fun little buy for me to try out. I think I will save these masks for situations where my skin just needs that extra boost, but not necessarily keep them as part of my skincare routine.

Overall, I loved this mask and thought it did a fantastic job - I'm looking forward to my next Japan trip when I'll stock up on these goodies!

the problem of comparison

This particular post has been percolating in my mind for a while now because this is a topic that is too near and not very dear to my heart. Comparison is something that seems to be more or less hard-wired into the the human psyche; we compare options when we shop, when we consider what career to pursue, what partner to settle down with, and so on. In many contexts comparison is beneficial and helps us narrow down our options in life. However, I think some of us are prone to a more detrimental form of comparison: comparing ourselves to others.

Before I go too much further, I should clarify that I don't think that comparison is inherently terrible. I always compare myself to other people and have done so for many, many years. Taking note of what others are doing often inspires me to keep working on my own projects and we all need that slight kick in the butt once in a while. That being said, I do believe that there comes a point where comparison tears you down more than it inspires you or builds you up. As someone who does tend towards more negative thoughts, I find that comparison quickly leads to discouragement or sorrow, both of which can quickly spiral into days or weeks of gloom. My loved ones began to notice how down I would become and as we tried to talk through the depression, we came to realize that a lot of it stems from my tendency to compare my life and situation to others around me. As soon as that lightbulb went off in my mind, I made a concerted effort to stop comparing myself to other people and, to be honest, it proved to be much more difficult to stop than I thought it would! Old habits do die hard.

staying in the loop

 
I have recently found how difficult it can be to maintain independent study or research when you are not officially affiliated with any institution - whether you are coming out of undergraduate studies or a graduate institution. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I quickly learned that there are many paths to graduate study; some paths are more direct while others seem to be involve a lot of meandering. Many incredibly inspiring (and brilliant) people I encountered within a graduate setting were considerably older than I was, yet they are currently pursuing a PhD. For many of them there was a significant gap between their undergrad/Master's program and their current PhD programs, but they managed to keep their studies going even when they found themselves outside the walls of higher ed. As someone who has ultimately decided to decline a PhD offer and take some more time off, I have struggled with balance and motivation in personal study. One thing that has been on my mind a lot is the question of how to stay in the loop with what is happening in your field.

Most people can easily see why medical professionals or researchers need to stay on top of the latest studies/concepts that pop up in their field - if you're not in the know, you could do some damage to someone. It's a little bit harder to convince people that those of us in the humanities also need to keep up with the latest ideas. But just like other fields there are trends and new discoveries happening within the humanities that could potentially change the way you are approaching your own research. The problem is how to remain connected to your field if you aren't currently affiliated with a university because, let's face it, access to a lot of the journals we need to read are not cheap!

One way I stay in tune with what's happening within my own realm of research is, perhaps surprisingly, Twitter. Many scholars, journals, publishing houses, and graduate interest groups are very active on Twitter and post resources on a whole host of academic related topics. Some accounts are very pragmatic and post tips on improving writing or time management: I find GradHacker to be a very fun resource because it is written by current graduate students. Even if you yourself are not in a program, the contributors present ideas that can be good guidelines for those of us outside higher ed. One article I particularly like is on how to approach PhD coursework. Other accounts I follow for graduate topics are: Vitae, Inside Higher Ed, and (for a lot of laughs) Sh*t Academics Say. All of these accounts will also link to outside blog posts for more info as well! I find Twitter a nice practical option for the alternative academic, because it gives you a bit of academia each day to tide you over.

As I try to keep in tune with what's going on within my own areas of interest, I have also run up against the issue to getting your hands on materials. If you are like me and working in a field where the texts can get pretty expensive (yes, I'm talking about you, Strange Encounters!) I make a bee-line to my local library page to check out the state-wide Interlibrary Loan system. I admit that this is not really paradigm-shifting information in any way, but it doesn't hurt to remind people how amazing a lot of library systems can be. I have been able to get my hands on almost every single book that I have searched for so far, even ones that I had expected to be more elusive (including Strange Encounters!). If I can't get my hands on a text, but I am sure that it would be really useful for my studies, I do bite the bullet and get the Kindle editions which tend to be cheaper than hardcopy editions.

These are just two ways that I myself have been trying to keep up to date with research. Thankfully with the information age that we live in it is much, much easier to stay in the loop with all the online resources that are available. As always, I'd love to hear any ideas you guys have (regardless of what you are studying) and would love to get some fresh ideas!

you can always keep learning

I know I definitely have a bias when it comes to educational topics because, let's face it, the majority of my life has either involved actual enrollment/participation in education or teaching in an educational setting. Plus, my current goal is to enroll in a PhD program in order to ultimately be able to teach in a college setting. Clearly, learning in general holds a place in my heart. Going through a Master's program was a great step for me both academically and personally (though to be honest my finances did not come out unscathed, yikes!), but it also opened my eyes to what learning - even at an Ivy Plus, private research university - can look like.

One misconception that I held before enrolling at UChicago was that most people went straight from undergraduate studies into a PhD program. And those of us who didn't make it in right away either only took one year off, we weren't smart enough, or we had some Event in our lives that barred us from going. This is probably the most incorrect (and narrow-minded) idea I think I have ever held. When I started coursework at the university, I was surprised to see so many students who were a good deal older than I was - and I am talking about a good 10+ year age difference. In fact, I would say the majority of the students had taken a significant amount of time off after they completed their Bachelor's degree. Furthermore, as I spoke to more faculty members, it became clear that a lot of admissions committees looked favorably on going out into the world and gaining experience - go figure, right?

I am currently in the midst of a gap year, waiting to hear if I'll be entering a PhD program this fall, or taking another route. While I used to see a PhD as the be-all-end-all of my life, I have come to realize that there is nothing stopping me from continuing to engage in my love for academia. I might not have an institution attached to my name to give me academic "cred", but I can still dig deeper into the theories and ideas that truly capture my fascination. And I think this is an important thing to keep in mind: you can always keep learning, especially when whatever you are studying is something you are really passionate about. Most of the books that I enjoy reading are fairly obscure texts, but I can easily find them through interlibrary loans at my local library. This is true for any other type of knowledge you might be seeking. For example, I enjoy knitting and I like trying out new techniques, but I don't have any knitting gurus near me who can show me what to do - so I turn to YouTube videos. There is an abundance of ways to keep expanding your knowledge base and most of them are very easy to access.

At the end of the day what I care about is learning and always continuing to learn because there is so much that I do not know. There are many misconceptions that I am sure that I still hold on to while also remaining blind to their existence. Regardless of academic cred, or lack thereof, I'll keep learning.

more thoughts on positivity

A week ago I wrote a post on how I personally keep myself positive. The more I thought about the notion of positivity and the more I have come to realize how much of a buzzword it is across the blogosphere right now (I guess it's part of the zeitgeist), I felt that there was a little more that needed to be said.

One thing I feel the need to clarify is the fact that although I do believe (from personal experience) that being positive is a healthier mindset to have in general, I do not believe in positivity in the sense of the law of attraction. I do believe that this type of thinking is true to an extent - for example, I find that when you always believe less of yourself, you tend to not be as successful, because you cannot visualize yourself succeeding. You absolutely can set up mental blocks for yourself that inhibit your ability to succeed. There is definitely some truth to the idea that having a positive mindset will lead to positive outcomes. That being said, if you do wish to go along with this worldview, you would need to agree with it's secondary implication: that if bad things are happening to you, it is because you are not thinking the right types of positive thoughts. In other words, you are not positive enough.

I do have a bone to pick with the law of attraction when you extrapolate its basic premise out to its logically conclusion: that good things will come to you if you think positive thoughts and bad things will come to you if you have negative thoughts. This view of positivity came out most clearly in the book The Secret and I will be honest will you: I believe that this worldview is incredibly privileged and places blame on individuals who are themselves victims of circumstances outside of their ability to "think the bad away". The universe is not that simple and placing the fault on someone's mindset is ridiculous, to be quite frank. If we are to actually follow through with what The Secret and books like it are contending, we would (logically) have to state that those in poverty are there not because of wide-spread and well-documented systemic prejudice...but because of their thoughts?  

I believe that focusing so much on the law of attraction-esque mindset is unfair to those who are going through difficult circumstances that are wholly outside of their control - let alone outside of their modes of thinking. It is not fair to simply tell someone to "be more positive" when they are struggling with depression, with abuse, with tragic loss, etc. Rather than telling these individuals that they need to be positive about their circumstances, we should be saying to them: yes, that really sucks and I will help you, as much as I can, to make things suck less.

There is a balance that has to be maintained between positivity and admitting when things are terrible, and outside of your control. A really pertinent example of this is the disproportionate number of people of color who are killed at the hands of police. The same thing could be said of children who are victims of violence that are completely and utterly unprovoked (such as the terribly Sandy Hook shooting). Are these deaths due to individuals' inability to be positive? At what age are individuals responsible for the bad things that happen to them because they did not "think good thoughts"?

And this is where my criticism lies with the law of attraction: it does not hold up to genuine critique once you move it outside of its own perimeters. Just to be clear here, I do believe that being positive is the better route to take, I truly do. However, I have been seeing so many posts on Positivity lately (and specifically the type of positivity that is laid out in the law of attraction) that I felt that I needed to be more clear on what my personal definition of positivity is. I believe that there are many, many aspects of your life that can be improved by staying positive - but I would never agree that positivity is the only thing that governs what happens to us.

burrantando's sloth yarn bowl

I have been an avid knitter since college and I still like to make time to have something going on my knitting needles. My boyfriend has been the recipient of a few of my creations so he is quite familiar with my love of knitting. For Christmas this year we decided to get each other one "big" item and as a kind of random fluke - or maybe a case of "great minds think alike" - we got each other something that encouraged our respective hobbies. I got him an autographed book on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (his main hobby) and he got me a yarn bowl!

A good friend of mine showed me a link to an Etsy store called Burrantando Ceramics and I instantly fell in love with their designs. I then showed my boyfriend some of my favorites and, lo and behold, a month later, I got my very own Ceramic Baby Sloth Yarn Bowl! I am in love with this little guy. Not only is he really adorable, he is also really useful; I took him out of his packaging and immediately put him to use. Even when not in use, I can leave him out around the house for decoration - so practical and cute! One thing that I am particularly fond of is the fact that when you put a yarn ball inside the bowl, it looks like he is hugging it. The quality is superb and the fact that they were kind enough to etch in a sweet little note on the bottom made it even more personal. I make it a point to buy handmade when I can and I am ecstatic to add this little cutie to my collection.

Although this was meant to be a Christmas present, due to the fact that each piece is made-to-order and because it was shipping internationally, I just got my Christmas present late last week. However, after holding it in person, in retrospect I definitely don't mind the wait. One thing to note about this seller is that (according to my boyfriend) the shipping was pretty steep. Again, this is something that is to be expected especially considering how fragile the product is and how far it came from - but that is still something to keep in mind before you make your purchase.

I am so happy with this gift and, being me, I couldn't help but go back to their website and take a peek at a few more of their designs. Seals are my second favorite animals (after otters), so I squealed when I saw these two designs. I am also partial to these little polar bear figurines. Overall, this is one of my favorite Christmas gifts ever and I am so happy with it!